Everyone Into the Pool

Yeah, I don't think I've had a good rant lately. And no, I'm not going to rant about leading a JokerStars $10+1 HORSE MTT for 3+ hours, only to go out 25th after severe coolers in Razz and Stud...

No, I'm going to rant about that dumbass sack of fishfood, Michael Phelps.

Let me begin by simply saying, I don't have a horse in the pot legalization debate. I don't smoke it, I have no desire to smoke it, but I don't particularly care whether you do or not. I'm a law-abiding citizen, but I also know there are an awful lot of fucked up laws in this country (and in others, to be sure). And yes, the alcohol lobby's got a pretty strong grip on the government that a bunch of green growers do not.

Now that I got that out of the way, Michael Phelps is an idiot, perhaps only exceeded in his idiocy by those who are raving about how all of America should boycott Kellogg's cereals simply because Kellogg's had the temerity to fire Phelps from his endorsement deal. I would submit that most of the people screaming the loudest to boycott, simply can't see through the haze of their own bong smoke far enough to actually grasp why Kellogg's dumped Phelps.

It's as simple as this. People with millions of dollars of endorsements don't get to live their lives in the same fashion as us random anonymous mondos. That's part of what earning those millions of dollars of endorsements is about. That's part of being a star -- you simply are not like the everyday Joe.

I don't care how anyone here feels about pot -- they have to know that there are still millions of parents of young aspiring swimmers out there, who don't want to think about their 8- and 9- year olds growing up on drugs, who will react very badly to learning their role model is a bong hitter.

Is that potentially rather paranoid line of thinking by the parents? That, because Phelps smokes up, and my kids idolize him, they're going to smoke pot? Maybe. In most cases, probably. But that's not the point. The point is that this *is* what the parents of a lot of those kids are thinking. And that's who Kellogg's constituency is, not you the NORML member. Kellogg is a breakfast food company, and has no fiduciary duty to its shareholders to advocate legalization of pot on behalf of one of their former paid endorsers.

And those parents buy a lot of cereal. As a paid endorser, Phelps should have known that. At least, he was paid to behave as if he knew that. He doesn't have to care about whether or not pot is illegal or performance enhancing or anything else, he only has to care about how parents will perceive him. Because that's why he's an endorser, because companies think his presence helps them sell product. His bucket full'o'gold medals is why his sponsors think he'll sell product, but not the direct reason they pay him. All he had to do to earn was simply this -- do not embarrass your employer.

Furthermore, after the 2004 Olympics, Phelps got a DUI driving drunk while underage. He should fucking know better by now.

I say good on Kellogg's for holding their own cereal box heroes to a higher standard. Phelps doesn't have some sort of statutory right to keep his endorsements when he acts in a manner the company finds outside the bounds.

The dude has his entire life after the end of his competitive career and cereal box days to smoke all the weed he could stand. He clearly has not learned that when you live in the public eye, people will be watching. It's not his first transgression.

This isn't even about pot being illegal or not -- it's about setting an example for kids. The only reason he was their star endorser at all is because all those parents saw him as someone to look up to. When he no longer performs that job satisfactorily, it's time to let him go.

Kellogg's isn't screaming for the po-po to arrest Michael Phelps. They're simply firing him for not performing the job he was hired to do, which was to appear to be enough of an example for children such that their parents would buy more Kellogg's products. It's not Kellogg's job to change the perception of millions of parents about pot, and for anyone to argue that they're somehow wrong for not taking on that responsibility is silly. Or stoned. Or both.

In the end, it's all cool. Now that Michael Phelps won't have to make so many of those pesky paid public appearances, he'll have plenty more time to toke it on up. Win/win, I guess.

I've got a suggestion for all those who are up in arms over wanting to boycott Kellogg's for their righteous injustice against Michael Phelps. Why don't you all pool some of your dime bag money together and hire Michael Phelps as an endorser for NORML, and put him on the cover of High Times. Now THAT would be putting your money where your bong pipe is. Maybe enough of you can even replace his entire former sponsorship, and he'll wear hemp trunks to the 2012 Olympics.

12 Angry Men

Seriously, did 12 Republican members of the House of Representatives actually change their mind and vote no on the boondoggle bailout today because Nancy Pelosi hurt their feelings? Really? Really?

Wow. I never thought it would be possible for twelve grown men, likely millionaires all, and some of the most powerful men in the country, to be so small and petty as to vote a certain way on one of the most significant pieces of legislation in our nation's history on being sensitive. Just when, exactly, did Daniel from Season 5 of Project Runway become a member of Congress, exactly?

There are certainly a lot of arguments to be made on behalf of the bailout, and at least as many to be made on behalf of no bailout whatsoever. For myself, I'm increasingly growing of the mind that Congress should stay out of this entirey (but if it does go for a bailout, it is a must that it include the ability for bankruptcy judges to modify the payment terms of defaulted mortgages).

However, I can think of nothing more shameful than deciding to vote a certain way because you think it's best for the country, and then changing your mind because someone made your butt hurt by a couple of lines in a floor speech. Seriously, if that represents the size of your stones, just drop your re-election campaign now, because you twelve are a bunch of abject pussies who don't even have the guts to cast a vote you believe in. I truly feel sorry for your constituents, knowing that you've spent your careers on the Hill voting not your conscience or your brain, but on whether or not someone ate the last Thin Mint on the box.

Oh poor poor pitiful me, that big bad old Pelosi bruised my ego. I'm gonna take my ball(s) and go home.

You think that's harsh, just wait until Barney Frank visits you to talk uncharacteristically nice.

Hey Johnny Mac, you still want to take credit for the bailout bill?

The Republicans no longer get to talk about the "angry left", but here, have a tissue and go have a good cry now that Nancy Pelosi hurt your poor feelings.

No poker the last couple of days, so no poker content.

How Do You Go On Avatar Tilt In Three Easy Steps?

1. Julius Goat and Bayne offer up a fantastic and fun service for us bloggers.

2. In a fit of inspiration, these guys design the best avatar ever (at least one that's not wearing a gold jersey and football helmet):



3. Your Winblows Vista-disabled laptop won't let you overwrite existing avatars, no matter how many fucking times you make the file, the folder, the Full Tilt folder, the Graphics folder, or any other folder not read-only:



Uncheck and unapply "Read Only", go back and try to paste it in and...voila...nothing. It's like the custom avatar screen of death.

And no, I'm not in a position to deal with wiping the laptop and putting XP in (unfortunately). I still have my old XP desktop, but the whole point is not lot lock myself to my home office...

This Dude is having a rather difficult time abiding at this particular moment. Advice welcomed.

Struggles With Donkeys? More Like With Life

To be honest, my head just wasn't really in it. Last night's tourneys, that is.

(That's not why I didn't run deep, I just played poorly, but played poorly, in part, because of an inability to focus.)

Unlike RecessRampage (who seems to love his job), I'm really pretty damn miserable in mine right now, and recent events are really exacerbating things for me. Do you ever feel trapped in a game where the rules change arbitrarily and you have no impact or influence on them, yet are responsible for the results? That pretty much describes how I feel, and I don't see any way out. I feel like I'm paying for someone's previous decisions that were either poorly thought out or poorly executed, and that when someone says "oh, just do [xyz]", they have no appreciation not only for the hours that entails on my end, but what that means with regard to cases on my docket that they aren't on.

Don't get me wrong...I understand. It's not any attorney's job to worry about what's on another attorney's docket. It's only their job to worry about their docket dates getting met, and getting their product out the door. I get that. But when you're in the midst of a true clusterfuck document production (not in size, but in the rampantly unnecessary duplicated acts, waiting on others, poor direction following by vendors, etc.), while at the same time needed to be in full trial prep mode for another case where you're leaving town for trial in less than three weeks, and the attorneys on the two cases are not the same...just fuckitol, ya know?



Anyway, I'm stuck, because I don't know how to do anything else for a living. And no, I'm not going to play professional pokerz. I've been a paralegal for nearly 20 years, and I'm not about to go to law school. I think I'm really good at what I do, and I've worked for some of the largest and best firms in the country. This is what I do, and this is what I'm going to do tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that, probably until I die of a pressure-induced stroke, or something. But none of that makes me feel any better when the fit's hitting the shan, and you're powerless to change your situation.

Okay, whiny rant mode off.

I'll try to end with something positive. The recent Chesterfield Kings' album I just picked up, "Psychedelic Sunrise", is really fucking good. If you like your rock'n'roll flavored a la Brian Jones'-era Rolling Stones, with a dash of early 70s style, then this record is for you.



No one does truly authentic 6Ts sounds like Chesterfield Kings, other than The Royal Purple, or The Omens, that is.

On Trash Ass Table Talk -- BBT3 Edition

I just don't get it.

That is, rude ass cracka ass douchebags saying crap in chat that they wouldn't have the stones (or lack of tact) to say out loud in a live cardroom. I just don't get it. Just because you can get away with saying something on teh intrawebs without getting your ass kicked in the parking lot later in the evening, doesn't mean doing so is a good idea, y'know?

Set aside for a moment all the great background work Alcanthang did putting together BBT3 -- all those wonderful WSOP seats, the linking of Mondays at the Hoy, Riverchasers, Skillz, etc. Never mind all that, and think about what a large part of the community of bloggers (e.g., "us"), is trying to build. A community, that is.

We may be scattered from Vega$ to NYC, from Texas to Canada and beyond, but the poker part of the blogosphere is truly a neighborhood. Not to suggest that everyone's going to get along, but there is a lot to be said for basic civility. There's also a lot to be said about not rapping on the glass of the fishtank. And yea, verily, there are plenty of fish in the blogosphere, but that's not a bad thing.

I suppose I'm not saying anything that 20 other bloggers haven't addressed in the last two days. But really, why does anyone truly feel the need to be a tacky asshat in chat, just because someone cracked a hand or two of yours? Remember, if you're that far ahead, you *want* those people in your hand, right? Well, unless and until you've got the mortal nuts, your 95% hand on the turn ain't 100%. So when it's cracked, why talk trash as if it were? Don't you *want* that fish at your table in the blogger cash game at the next blogger gathering? Or at least buying you drinks in the Geisha Bar? Or at least being around to commiserate with after Jamie Gold pushes you off a pot with 52o and shows?

Then why be an asshat and drive someone out of the neighborhood? Thassall....

To Those Who Have Taken My Chips...

I say, enjoy them for now.

To the old fish who thinks limping into multiway pots with 32 offsuit is good poker, because you're on the button, I say, enjoy them for now, because they're not long for your stack.

To the aggro callfish who thinks calling a 4x BB raise out of position with A7 offsuit, I say, enjoy them for now, because they're not long for your stack.

To those of you who like to bring your little V44 and V66's to the drag strip to race, I say, enjoy them for now, because I won't go 0-for-ever in races.

For the last two weeks, I've played poker only on Monday and Tuesday, and I must say, the last two weeks have been soulcrushing and destructive, to my psyche and bankroll.

Writing a post about how Bodog was not punishing solid play was probably a bigger mistake than calling a 4-bet out of position with AKo. Because I haven't made a single final table since then, and in fact, have not even cashed once since then. In fact, you could say I hate poker today. Since my last Bodog final table, I've lost 1/4 of my overall online roll (counting all three sites). And usually in ways like those described above.

But hey, that still leaves a good three quarters for you to take, by continuing to call 2/3 pot bets on the turn with nothing but an underpair on a board with four overs and no draws, right? Come and get it, becuase I'm clearly giving it away, one $10+1 buy-in at a time.

In the meantime, come over to Chad's place, aka the Blogger Skillz Series, and chase me down with your (xx)J in Razz. I fully expect tonight's winner to have won at least three pots with a rough ten high all the way to showdown.

Politico-Economic Rant

This is what Reagan/Bush/Shrub economics have brought:

"U.S. CEOs earn vastly more money on average than their peers abroad, and about 600 times more than the average U.S. worker, up from just 40 times in 1980, according to academic studies of executive pay." (from Kevin Drawbaugh's article here)

The single largest transfer of American resources from the middle class to the highest 1% of Americans, like pigs to the trough, sucking up more and more of the slop off the backs of the very Americans whose hard work enables your CEO to buy his 4th Ferrari.

Of course, in the aftermath of the single largest monthly decline of jobs in five years, McCain says, "Today's unemployment figures are not good. They're not terrible but they're not good," McCain said.

They're not terrible...

By "not terrible", McCain means over 300,000 construction jobs lost in 15 months is "not terrible".

By "not terrible", McCain means that over 52,000 factory jobs lost in a single month is "not terrible".

But that's okay for the current administration, as their friends in the oil business get to sell gas at $3.50 a gallon.

This is what Reagan/Bush/Shrub economics have brought:

"U.S. CEOs earn vastly more money on average than their peers abroad, and about 600 times more than the average U.S. worker, up from just 40 times in 1980, according to academic studies of executive pay."

The single largest transfer of American resources from the middle class to the highest 1% of Americans, like pigs to the trough, sucking up more and more of the slop off the backs of the very Americans whose hard work enables your CEO to buy his 4th Ferrari.

Of course, the CEOs used to be able to argue that they bring value to shareholders.

Um, not so fast.

"In 2007, Mozilo was paid $1.9 million in salary, received $20 million in stock awards based upon performance and sold tens of millions of dollars worth of stock. In that year, Countrywide, the largest U.S. mortgage lender, announced big losses and weathered an 80 percent drop in its stock price."

"O'Neal's retirement packet from Merrill was $161 million. He got it despite being ousted days after the world's biggest brokerage reported the largest quarterly loss in its history."

So, either of you two asshats want to point me to the shareholder value?

Are We There Yet?

First things, first - thank you JJOK, Al, and especially, Mookie, for recognizing what can only be considered award-worthy writing.

2nd Place ($5.50 Dookie buy-in): “After much deliberation, the Asshat Frat Crew unanimously voted Scott’s sack the true lucksack, and much gheyety ensued.”

I would also like to recognize the Asshat Frat Crew for...well...for being so ghey!

No blogging for a few days - the Good Doctor Mondo and I were off in North Carolina and Virginia seeing relatives of hers. I must say, that's a long way to travel to go to a five year old's birthday party, but much fun was had, and it was probably the first time in at least a couple of years when the Good Doctor was together with her parents and all her siblings at one place.

Red Lobster is entirely overrated. Ick.

Got back to a bit of poker yesterday. Chipped up very nicely early on in several Stars tourneys, only to suffer repetitive, yet intermittent, internet outages. Of course, they only seemed to come up when I'm dealt QQ or AA in one of the blinds (fack!). There were literally occasions where I'd be dealt a monster, try to raise, have my raise count, and then be autofolded on the next street. As a result, I only managed to cash in one early tourney, and just barely. It really does suck hard to reset your cable modem and router a million times and see your "safely in the $$$ stack" completely disappear over the course of an hour or so.

More than anything else, that is the single biggest reason I won't buyin online for any sort of a significant buying (say, above $10 or so), and why I won't ever deposit any "real" bankroll online. Imagine if this had been the Sunday Million, or an FTOPS, or some other tourney where I actually bought directly in for a couple hundred dollars, only to lose all my chips because my fucking internet provider can't keep a decent connection for $49.95 a month (I'm looking at you, Comcast), and you're stacked off for reasons having absolutely nothing to do with your play.

Of course, the outages eventually worked themselves out (but only after I was out of all my $5 and $10 buyin tourneys), and once I did some home handiwork, I entered a couple of micros. Wouldn't you know it, I final tabled a limit Omaha on PokerStars for 6th place. Naturally, it was a $1.10 buy-in, my lowest of the day, and 6th was good for about $15. It seems to always be the case that my deepest run is in my lowest buyin tourney in a session. I wonder why that is? I know it's not the level of play, because I went out to 2- and 3-outed in a couple other tourneys, and Omaha Hi is so high variance that the deep finish can easily be attributed to hitting draws. There must be something axiomatic that no matter what site I play at, the online godz will laugh at me, granting charity only in the smallest possible ways.

This final table did make for a bit of an unusual situation. Mondays are usually the day I play bar poker, and yesterday was going to be no exception. But once we got to the final table, I was running late, and had to get to the bar. So after hauling ass with my laptop, I played the first couple orbits of my bar poker game with my laptop in front of me, finishing off my meager score. Fun times, it's like two-tabling, but...well yeah, two-tabling. Now if I could just get folks with Q2 to respect my button raises with AA, all would be well in the world.

When changing smoke detector batteries, don't stand on chairs with wheels. Bad idea.

Today is Tuesday, which means more Bodonkey and Blogger Skillz fun. Dunno if I'm going to make it, yet. I may have to sit out tonight in order to be available tomorrow to play the Dookie tomorrow, thanks to Mookie.