Friday, February 27, 2009

On the Subject of Man-Ram

Okay, so most of youse could give a crap about the Los Angeles Dodgers. And frankly, neither can I, other than the extent to which my beloved Colorado Rockies will pound them over the course of 18 games this year, but I digress...

But if you've been following this year's MLB free agent cycle at all, you may know that talented, yet petulant, aging, quit-on-his-team, general all around douchebag Manny Ramirez has, just since the end of last season:

a. Declined the $20 million option on his contract for 2009;
b. Turned down contract arbitration guaranteed in his case to net between $20m and $27 for 2009;
c. Turned down a 2-year, $45 million contract offer from the Dodgers;
d. Turned down a 1-year, $25 million contract offer from the Dodgers;
e. Turned down a revised 2-year, $45 million contract offer from the Dodgers that included a player option for the second year;
f. All of the above.

If you answered any of them, you are correct. If you answered "f", you were most correct. You see, Manny has turned down four separate contract proposals, all of which would have made him the highest paid player in baseball history not proven to have done steroids. In other words, the highest paid player in history for 2009 not named Alex Rodriguez.

But you see, he wants a six year contract. He's already nearly 37. He's already demonstrated his tendency to be a malingerer when he's not happy about his contract. Fuck him. I mean, he can still smack the cover off of a baseball, but his pissant pettiness and rampant narcissism, in an environment where no other team is even offering him a deal is beyond asinine. And given the current economic headlines, makes him look even more pathetique.

Still, the Dodgers would be well served to read this story I came across today (compliments of a fellow Purple Row reader):

The following is a very old story told by Cherokee, Seneca, Hindu, and many other people all around the world.

The little boy was walking down a path and he came across a rattlesnake. The rattlesnake was getting old. He asked, "Please little boy, can you take me to the top of the mountain? I hope to see the sunset one last time before I die." The little boy answered "No Mr. Rattlesnake. If I pick you up, you'll bite me and I'll die." The rattlesnake said, "No, I promise. I won't bite you. Just please take me up to the mountain." The little boy thought about it and finally picked up that rattlesnake and took it close to his chest and carried it up to the top of the mountain.

They sat there and watched the sunset together. It was so beautiful. Then after sunset the rattlesnake turned to the little boy and asked, "Can I go home now? I am tired, and I am old." The little boy picked up the rattlesnake and again took it to his chest and held it tightly and safely. He came all the way down the mountain holding the snake carefully and took it to his home to give him some food and a place to sleep. The next day the rattlesnake turned to the boy and asked, "Please little boy, will you take me back to my home now? It is time for me to leave this world, and I would like to be at my home now." The little boy felt he had been safe all this time and the snake had kept his word, so he would take it home as asked.

He carefully picked up the snake, took it close to his chest, and carried him back to the woods, to his home to die. Just before he laid the rattlesnake down, the rattlesnake turned and bit him in the chest. The little boy cried out and threw the snake upon the ground. "Mr. Snake, why did you do that? Now I will surely die!" The rattlesnake looked up at him and grinned, "You knew what I was when you picked me up."

The above story was compiled by Glenn Welker

We already have the Diamondbacks in our division; do we really need a rattlesnake to go along with it?

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